I’m suffering from a bad case of Senioritis. Well, maybe not a bad case, but definitely a CASE. The symptoms have been burbling and gurgling. A recent aha conversation with a colleague, who described very similar characteristics, led me to the diagnosis. Could you be experiencing signs of Senioritis too? Here’s what’s going on and what I’m doing about it for now. I’m a work in progress, and I don’t have a how-to handbook…yet.
Senioritis Then…
Remember those last several months of senior high school or senior college year? If that was a zillion years ago like mine, unless your memory is highly functional (unlike mine), don’t fret if you can’t recall. If you can, were there moments you wished you could press the fast forward button to finally be done with it all? Times when motivation levels crashed concurrently with test scores? When anticipation of what lay ahead crashed into heaps of trepidation as you moved toward the unknown? Some social circles were outgrown, and left adrift. Club meetings were purposefully missed as interest waned. Athletic practices and events no longer inspired the same passion or performance. On the last stretches to the finish line, assignments, exams, and grunt work were painfully laborious or dumped completely. That was senioritis…back then.
My education senioritis memories are vague for each degree earned. More recently, I watched my kids as they neared their graduations. Both flippantly suggesting at times their intentions to bolt before the diploma was awarded because they were uncomfortably antsy and irritated. Several of my daughter’s college classmates abandoned ship mere months shy of graduation. So close, no finish. Some days I can commiserate. Fortunately, I’m stubborn, I won’t give up yet.
Senioritis Now…
Here I am at a time of my life, long past the days of El-Hi required education and college semesters, and I’m pretty sure I’ve relapsed into senioritis.
What does senioritis look like now? Not only has my career shifted during the last 2+ years, there’s physical and emotional changes with each passing year too. The covid shut-down triggered or aggravated my symptoms for sure.
The discussion a few days ago with my colleague, who also started her career in her mid-years and is likewise shifting direction, revealed I’m not the only one battling senioritis. We’ve come to the point in our professions where we don’t have the same eager-beaver motivation, exhilaration, and patience for less than enticing tasks as our younger colleagues or those new to the playing field. Networking, marketing, social media plugs, those have become more like nailing pulling drudgery for me. I want to spend time with my clients, writing, learning, hosting workshops. The rest, eh.
Is this solely attributable to a “time of life” phenomenon? I’m not so sure. Many people seem to be experiencing a post-pandemic malaise--and I use “post” very lightly having recently battled the virus myself. Evidence of job filling challenges plague industries across the US and around the globe. After the high risks subsided, shouldn’t we have expected to see positions refilling? Not happening, at least not yet. I’m suspecting we humans are reassessing our options, pathways, futures, the now. After witnessing the grand scale fragility of life and the heavy weight of societal woes, we’re questioning what is actually important? Our purpose? Where should we focus our attention and energy especially if they’re limited?
Getting a bird’s eye view of what it’s like for family members to be advanced seniors, and the prospective variety of limitations that may or may not be on the horizon, I want to be more discerning how I spend my remaining time in my business and on this planet. I don’t take for granted that I have the luxury and flexibility today to be less hard-core than I might need to be if my circumstances were different. I don’t have to be as diligent and directed as I was in my younger days. Admittedly, my circumstances could still change at any time. I need to be prepared. That’s partially why I embarked on Part 2 of my professional life at this stage. Part 1 career ended after the birth of my daughter. Part 2 began as my son was preparing for college.
Senioritis Symptoms
Along with the joy that my career brings, I ride an emotional rollercoaster through each bout of Senioritis. I’m not justifying any of them or saying they’re useful. They just are.
Guilt. That’s a big one. Silly as it sounds, I struggle with guilt that I have the flexibility to be choosy. And then I feel guilty about the guilt. Guilt watching how stressful it still is for those losing jobs or stressing out over the jobs they’re in. Guilt over not attending organizational meetings that I’ve paid hard-earned money for membership, but too tired or uninterested to attend. Guilt over not volunteering when organizational positions go unfilled. Guilt isn’t healthy, I know it needs to go.
Fatigue. The weight of the world is definitely fatiguing my body and my mind. We imagined or at least hoped that all of the 2020 shite storms were the worst of it. Not just the covid pandemic but the wildfires that ravaged so much of the west coast, the hurricanes, tornadoes, and hellish political scene. 2021 and 2022 would be better! Or would it? More covid variants, the Russian invasion, mass shootings on a grand scale. I’m getting wearier just typing all that. So I’ll move on.
Loss of interest. The events that once held my interest, aren’t doing it so much for me anymore. I never thought I would dig networking, but for the most part, I had a lot of fun meeting new people and connecting not just professionally but adding to my friendships. I still can’t decide if it’s pure laziness or simply not wanting to spend my time doing things that no longer entice me. That may mean blowing off an organizational meeting to watch TV with my husband at the end of a long day. One more hour on Zoom would cast me over the edge. And, meeting in small venues with lots of people that’s still not something I’m comfortable with. Ew, do I sound like a spoiled child? I’m prone to whining. Wah.
Impatience. I have never been a patient person. And, I don’t use the term ‘never’ casually. I was born impatient. I don’t have the patience for things that drive me batty or don’t have a clear benefit anymore. I’m also getting a bit antsy to finish my coaching certification. I want to zip to the finish line much like I did when I could feel the anticipation of graduation. There’s still requirements to complete before they hand over the certificate/diploma. More courses to come. More client hours to record. More coaching recordings to submit. I’ll get there, or not if I burn out or change my mind. Then I would likely deal with feelings of regret and more guilt coming so close and not clinching the reward.
Emotional Hiccup Remedies
So what am I doing about these emotional hiccups? For now, I’m working on granting myself the grace to be. When I’m too tired or not seeing the advantage of attending meetings, I’m working on releasing that admonishing feeling in the pit of my stomach that screams you paid for this, you need to go! I politely respond, “ No I don’t”. Sometimes my husband or a friend has to remind me, “no I don’t”.
More often, I’m noticing the times where my body and mind are signaling its time for a break. Get out of your seat, go for a walk, coffee with a friend, take a nap. STAY OFF THE NEWS!
Signs of my impatience are everywhere, all the time. Or so it seems. I’m beginning to observe that when I’m loving what I’m doing like in the middle of a client session, my patience is solid. Or when I’m enjoying a yummy dinner with my husband or sipping a chai with a friend, my patience is less fragile. Traffic, computer woes, incompetent tech support, acne breakouts. Patience? What’s that? None to be found. EFT tapping, deep breathing, and changing the cerebral channel are my only hope of recovering equilibrium. Fortunately, as first aid recalibration, they have been mostly winners.
Gratitude to remind myself of all the blessings is a remedy at times. I’m extremely grateful that although my emotions have been filled with Senioritis symptoms, physically, knock on wood, the ravages of time haven’t tracked down my body yet except for a few remnants of covid fatigue.
One of my clients described the way she’s been feeling that sounded so similar to what I’ve written here. She’s so much younger than me. Is it senioritis? Pandemic malaise? Or just life being life? I apologize if this blog’s been a bummer that has reminded you all of the challenges that have passed and lie ahead. It’s been a bit of a catharsis for me to get it out of my head and onto virtual paper. My hope is to validate what others may be living through with some suggested remedies that may or may not work. As with all my client session recommendations, try to take each step through Senioritis or pandemic malaise as an experiment. No failure. Some things will work, some tactics not so much. Some will work once or twice, then their impact tanks. Back to the drawing board for new direction. New hope. A new you.
If I’m in the picture for another 20+ years, I want to make the most of them. Not waste my time doing unimportant, extraneous things that devour my soul. Well, I suppose I can’t avoid all soul-sucking actions like taxes, setting up new daily spam filters, and ironing wrinkled professional garb. But I can choose to be discerning when there is a choice. And that choice is mine as are the consequences. Finding useful ways to accept the consequences is something I will attempt to forge my way gracefully through. And after writing this blog, I think I might have the workings of a handbook.
